Susan & Oishi: Ep. 5 We Are Not Ready: A Paranormal Sitcom

Narrator: Susan, Frightened to the Max

It was just an ordinary day — raining outside, chips in hand, cuddling on the couch with Oishi.
We were watching our favorite show: The Detective Agency, starring Sera, Rhys, and Nova (you remember them from Episode 4: Oishi’s Nightmare).

It was all fun and fiction until —
BOOM.
A car exploded on screen right as thunder cracked outside.

Then came another boom — lightning struck the electric post.
And just like that, the power went out.
The house went dark.
The neighborhood? A blackout.

Narrator: Oishi, Scared to Death

I was about to suggest we get the flashlight when we heard it —
Footsteps. Wind howling. A loud “awooooooo.”
Like a ghost-wolf who forgot to mind his volume.

Susan clutched me like a stuffed toy, and I — a brave, diaper-wearing Shi Tzu — called upon the Mighty Paw.
Susan, on the other hand, went full Pentecostal.
“In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I rebuke you!”

Whoa.
Sus? You believe in the Big Guy?
You don’t even read the Bible. You read “How to Get Slim Without Exercising” and air fryer recipes.

And… “Listen, I was so scared I didn’t even notice Susan changed outfits. One minute she’s in orange, next she’s in green — either we’re haunted or she packed for the apocalypse.”

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Suddenly, the Mighty Paw appeared — calm, glowing, mildly judgmental.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
“Mighty Paw! Use your powers! Make the ghosties disappear!”

He shook his noble head.
“Oh, you silly Little PhilosoFurr. I don’t have that kind of power. But I know someone who does.
He’s the One who can calm bad spirits — and even Susan’s tantrums.
You can tell Him anything — even how much you love chimken.”

My tail twitched.
“Please just tell me who! I’m scared! My soul is shaking and my diaper is full!”

Before he answered, a bright light filled the room.

Narrator: Oishi, Humbled & Slightly Wet

He wore white.
He raised His hand.
He smiled at me — gently, warmly — and said:

“Hi Oishi.
I’m Jesus.”

I was in awe.
He looked so peaceful… unlike me and Susan, who were still running around like squirrels on espresso.
But I noticed something:
He had a hole in His hand.
And yet — He smiled.

Then, without a single word, the ghosts — human and paw — saw Him and immediately vanished.

Susan fell to her knees, sobbing.
I think she howled. Like… elephant-style.
“THANK YOU, JESUS!!”

And me?
No, I didn’t hug Him right away.

I peed first.
Then I hugged Him.

He whispered:

“I love you, Oishi.
I love Susan.
And I will always protect you.”

And I believed Him.
Because no matter how brave I try to be —
Susan’s kind of a lot.
(And if you haven’t noticed, she’s… large.)

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PS. She really committed to that praise pose like she was trying to send a signal to heaven and win an Oscar. 🙄
I didn’t say anything… but in my mind? “Not this again, Susan.”