🧼 Susan’s House Rules (To Be Obeyed by One Shih Tzu Philosofurr)

Hi, I’m Susan. Loud, loyal, slightly unhinged — and absolutely in love with my furball. That said, living with Oishi requires some ground rules. Fair is fair. So here’s my lovingly dramatic list of things my judgmental companion must understand:

1. When I come home, you better run to me in slo-mo — Tail wag included. 🐶💃 (You already do this. Keep it up.)
2. Listen to my rants without side-eye 🙄. Especially when I tell you I’m going to start losing weight. Just nod. Support me. Eat the chips quietly.
3. Chicken 🍗 is not an everyday thing. Try acting like a normal being and eat other food. (Then again, I eat siopao and donuts like they’re soulmates… so maybe this rule is more for me.)
4. Bath day🛁 is weekly, not a quarterly festival . Stop hiding under the table when I pull out your shampoo. You think bending down is easy for me?
5. Stop wandering around like you’re lost 🐶 when I’ve only been gone for two minutes. I just took out the trash, bro. Chill.
6. Stop following me into the bathroom 🚽🚿🧻. I love you. But there are boundaries. Doors are sacred.
7. We watch The Detective Agency together. 📺 No judgment when I yell at the screen. I’m emotionally invested, okay? 🍿🐶👀
8. Stop being dramatic at the pet lounge🐶😭💔,Let the other dogs sniff your butt and make friends. This is a safe space.
9. Let me tuck you in, kiss you goodnight, and whisper our secrets. I’ll always do this. No matter how old we get. 🤗🛏️🐾
10. If anyone hurts you, I will go full Susan Hulk. I love you, Badoodle. Forever and ever. 💛