Narrator: Oishi Susan woke up early. Excited. (Overreacting, as usual, about something that’s not even life-altering.)
I, on the other hand, was still in bed—peacefully judging the world in my sleep. Then it happened. She scooped me up and—without warning—threw me straight into bath time.
Susan, what the heck. It’s 6 AM. I’m emotionally unprepared. Where are we going?
Narrator: Susan HORATIO T. from HR made an announcement yesterday: “Activities! Bring Your Pet to Work Day!” And you know I love Oishi like he’s my emotional WiFi.
So naturally, I screamed. My heart raced. I jumped like I’d just won a blender in a church raffle.
Today was finally the day I got to dress Oishi in something other than that tired red bandana.
I chose a Mandalorian-style knight costume. Because my little PhilosoFurr isn’t just cute— He’s my ProtectPaw.
Narrator: Oishi(in full knight mode) I am Sir Oishi, the Paw Knight. Protector of the Living Room. Sworn defender of Susan the Melodramatic. I lay down my sword and vow that no sock, squirrel, or passive-aggressive neighbor shall harm us. WOOF WOOF.
At the Office: (You can picture the scene: barking, meowing, tail-wagging chaos.) Food everywhere. Hoomans showing off like it’s the Met Gala for pets.
Horatio T. (still trying to be the main character) tapped the mic and paused for maximum drama.
“First, we’ll announce the raffle winner. Then… the Best Costume Award.”
He pulled out a name from the raffle box, squinted, then said:
“The lucky winner of a brand-new rice cooker is… SUSAN V!”
Susan got up like she was accepting a Grammy. Photos were taken. Hugs were awkward. She grabbed the mic:
“Thank you for this opportunity—”
But Horatio snatched it back mid-sentence:
“Thank you, Susan. You may go now.” (Tragic.)
Then… the main event.
“3rd Place: A Chihuahua in a pink dress.” (Original. Groundbreaking. We’ve seen it before.)
“2nd Place: A fish… in an aquarium.” (Why is this in the same category? Who approved this?)
“And 1st Place goes to… Sir Oishi, The ProtectPaw!”
Susan gasped. Tears. She scooped me up like Simba on Pride Rock. Everyone clapped. I blinked twice, unimpressed, but internally flattered.
She whispered,
“You did it, my little warrior philosopher.” And I knew then… I may not understand her human drama, but I love how proud she is of her emotionally distant dog.
“Activities! Bring Your Pet to Work Day!” 
Ember - Fire and Soul 