Guided by light, driven by dreams, and ready to fly.

Tag: #TrustGod

  • 2 AM Theology, Ice Cream, and the Fear We Don’t Talk About

    Susan Narrating
    (Wide awake. 2 AM. In bed. Suddenly has a degree in Philosophy.)

    Recently, I’ve been afraid of a lot of things.

    Most of them are irrational — like presenting in front of people… or facing an Immigration Officer even though you know you didn’t do anything wrong.

    I don’t usually feel this way.
    And logically, I know none of this will matter on my deathbed.
    But when it happens?
    It really gets to me.

    I start judging myself.
    I start thinking people will judge me too.
    And honestly?
    People are… a lot.

    They’re annoying.
    They’re loud.
    They’re confident about things they don’t even understand.

    Life is unfair.
    Bad people prosper.
    Good people are barely hanging on.

    Some women get pregnant when they don’t want a baby.
    Others pray and cry for one and never get it.

    Some people work with integrity and get ignored.
    Others are loud, visible, and somehow get promoted even if they don’t know what they’re doing.

    And then there’s… average life.
    The kind that slowly eats dreams because fear tells you to just settle.

    And listen — average is not bad.
    Some people want a simple life and that is a blessing.

    But I’m talking about people like me.
    The ambitious ones.
    The “I want to live fully” people.

    I know life isn’t just wake up, work, eat, repeat.
    Although honestly, I love eating and resting.

    Work?
    Unless you own the company or love your job with your whole soul…
    Work is training ground.

    Like school.
    You wake up early.
    You show up on time.
    You talk politely.
    You do your job well so you don’t become management’s emotional burden.

    And you get paid.
    So you can eat.

    Adulting.

    So why are we still afraid…
    Even when God literally said, “Do not fear”?

    I once heard a priest say:
    “Why do we believe God exists… but struggle to believe He will help us?”

    Ouch.

    He called that irreverence.
    Which I Googled.
    Because obviously.

    It means lack of respect.

    And I thought…
    Am I disrespecting God when I keep worrying?

    Maybe I’m just tired.
    Maybe I’m disappointed.
    Maybe life has punched me in the emotional face multiple times.

    Some of it was my fault.
    Some of it wasn’t.
    Some of it was just… life being life.

    I got up to get water because thinking is exhausting.

    I checked on Oishi.

    He was running back and forth…
    Barking at the cat…
    Who was literally doing nothing.

    I think Oishi is afraid of cats.

    Which is ironic.
    Because he barks at vacuum cleaners like he’s protecting the nation.

    I walked to the kitchen.
    Opened the fridge.
    Drank water.
    Ate ice cream.

    Cold + sweet = perfect for overthinking.

    Then suddenly —

    BRIGHT LIGHT.
    WOOOOOSH.

    Angelusito appears.

    Holding milk tea.

    Because apparently Heaven has delivery now.

    “Sus,” he said.
    “I was in the neighborhood. I heard your existential crisis.”

    “First — yes. People can be annoying. Selfish. Unfair.”

    “But people can also be kind. Generous. Compassionate.”

    “Some leave their homes to serve others.”
    “Some choose positivity without ignoring reality.”
    “Some work quietly with integrity.”

    “Not everyone is bad.”

    “Some people become broken because life broke them first.”

    “And remember — unless they are harming you or others —
    Turn the other cheek.”

    “So I need to do humanitarian missions for my life to have meaning?” I asked.

    “No,” Angelusito said, sipping milk tea like a tiny holy therapist.

    “God gave people different gifts.”

    “Not everyone is a missionary.”
    “Not everyone is a teacher.”
    “Not everyone is a doctor.”

    “You can serve God in small ways.”

    Being kind.
    Helping someone.
    Listening to someone’s pain.
    Taking care of animals.

    “That’s stewardship.”

    “Humans love big miracles,” he continued.
    “But there are miracles in ordinary moments.”

    Giving your seat.
    Checking on your neighbor.
    Showing up when someone needs you.

    Small things.
    Big impact.

    “And about fear, Sus…”

    “If you read the Bible in context — not just as motivational quotes —
    You’ll see even biblical heroes were afraid.”

    “But they relied on God.”

    “God’s presence is the antidote to fear.”

    “‘Fear not’ is not just comfort.
    It’s a command.”

    “So how do I trust God?” I asked.

    “Know Him,” Angelusito said.

    “Build relationship.”

    “Have you ever seen God abandon His people?”

    “No.”

    “He gave His Son so humanity could be saved.”

    “You will still feel fear, Sus.
    But trust that God is with you.”

    “Do your part.
    Prepare.
    Work with integrity.
    Do good.”

    “Let God handle the unfair parts.”

    “Read this,” he said:

    Deuteronomy 31:6 → God goes with you, does not leave you

    Psalm 94:14 → God will not forsake His people

    Hebrews 13:5–6 → Calls believers to be content and trust in God’s unfailing presence

    Matthew 1:23 (Emmanuel) → God WITH us 

    The next morning, I felt lighter.

    I stepped outside.
    The air was fresh.
    (Oishi was wagging like he solved world peace.)

    The rooster crowed.
    Vendors passed by.
    Kids walked to school.
    Cars filled the streets.

    And I realized…

    We’re all just trying.
    Using what we know.
    Doing our best.

    I sipped my coffee.
    Let the sun warm my face.

    It is good to be alive.

    The End.
    Still Rising. Still Barking.

  • Baalam and the Donkey

    I was looking for a Bible story that’s not as mainstream as the usual Noah’s Ark or David and Goliath showdown. That’s when I stumbled on Numbers 22 and found a talking donkey.
    Yes. A. Talking. Donkey.

    And I thought, Wow. This donkey really made it into scripture. She deserves a certificate or something.

    If you haven’t read it yet, go to Numbers 22:21–34. (You thought I was going to summarize it for you, didn’t you? Okay, fine.

    🐴 Balaam, Moab, and the Talking Donkey

    The Israelites had camped in Moab, and King Balak of Moab was sweating bullets. He’d seen what Israel did to other kingdoms, and he was like, “Nope. Not today.” So he sent people to a prophet named Balaam with one request:

    “Curse these people for me, please. We’ll pay well.”

    Balaam asked God, and God said:

    NO.
    “These people are blessed. Do not touch them.”

    Balaam delivered the message. King Balak, however, had the persistence of a toddler in a candy aisle. He sent more messengers—this time with a bigger, shinier offer.

    Balaam said, “Wait here. I’ll ask God again.”
    (Pause: The first time God already said no. But the offer now had more zeroes. Suspicious? Yes.)

    God responded:

    “Fine. Go. But you can only say what I tell you to.”

    So Balaam went—but God saw through him. His feet were walking, but his heart was for sale.
    God was angry.

    So He sent an angel with a sword to block Balaam’s path.

    Only problem? Balaam couldn’t see the angel.
    But guess who could?
    His donkey.

    🗡️ Donkey vs. Angel: The OG Roadblock

    Round 1: The donkey swerved into a field.
    Round 2: The donkey crushed Balaam’s foot against a wall.
    Round 3: She just sat down like, “We’re not dying today.”

    Balaam, being spiritually blind and emotionally dramatic, beat the donkey three times. That’s when God said, “Enough.”

    And He opened the donkey’s mouth.

    She said:

    “What did I do to deserve this? Have I ever acted like this before?”

    Balaam, still in full delusion, answered her like she was just another commuter.

    Then God opened Balaam’s eyes—and there was the angel, sword drawn.

    “If your donkey hadn’t turned away, I would’ve killed you. She saved your life.”

    Balaam repented.

    🎯 The Lesson That Hit Me

    There are a lot of takeaways here. But the one that hit me like a divine chancla was this:

    Balaam asked God once—and God said no. But then he asked again, hoping to change God’s mind… because the second offer looked better.

    I do that too.

    Sometimes, God says no.
    And I accept it… for like a day.
    Then I try again.
    And again.
    Trying to convince Him why this time it makes sense. Why this door should open. Why this blessing feels justified.

    And sometimes, He gives me what I ask—but not because it was right. Because He’s letting me learn.

    But now that I’m getting older (emotionally, spiritually, and in actual knee-crack years), I’ve started to understand God more. Not always. I still stumble. I still ask Him too many questions. But slowly, I’m learning to trust that even His no is an act of love.

    🙏 Trust Comes From Knowing Who He Is

    To trust someone, you need to know their character.
    And God’s character?

    • He’s our Creator: Look at the mountains, the ocean, the stars, and that one sunset that stopped you mid-scroll.
    • He’s our Father: He gives, disciplines, and stays.
    • He’s our Savior: Jesus healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, and raised the dead.
    • He’s our Helper: The Holy Spirit prays on our behalf when we don’t have the words.

    So even if I still ask for things, I no longer do it with bitterness when the answer is no.
    Just a quiet kind of waiting.
    Because I trust who’s behind the decision.

    What about you?
    What part of Balaam’s story do you relate to?

    (And if your donkey starts talking, please don’t argue. Just listen.)

    -Ember 🐾🔥