Susan narrating (irritated, inflamed, and spiritually attacked)
My whole body was itching.
Not the cute little:
“oh maybe it’s just dry skin” kind of itch.
No.
This was the kind of itch that makes you question your entire bloodline.
I was working from home while scratching my arms like a raccoon fighting invisible enemies. Outside, someone was doing karaoke at 2 PM with the confidence of a person who has never feared God nor neighbors.
To make things worse, it was around 35 degrees outside.
The electric fan was spinning but emotionally absent.
I even asked badoodle to scratch my back, but that smug dog just stared at me like:
“Sounds personal, Sus.”
Useless.
So I asked my mom:
“Ma… did you drink my cetirizine?”
She smiled peacefully.
“Yes.”
I froze.
“Why?”
“I slept well.”
Meanwhile my skin looked like I lost a fistfight with mosquitoes, stress, and destiny.
Honestly, I became so irritated because:
A. my skin was turning red like a tomato with emotional damage
and
B. I did NOT want to go outside in this heat.
But I had no choice.
Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight because my body clearly decided to experience every allergy available in Southeast Asia.
After my shift ended, I logged out immediately, scooped up Oishi while wearing my pambahay, and prepared to leave.
Badoodle looked confused.
Like he was silently saying:
“Sus… it is 35 degrees outside. Your mother is here. Leave me in this air-conditioned blessing.”
Badoodle loves my mom because she gives him chicken without asking him to contribute financially to the household.
Traitor.
Anyway, while walking outside, I felt like I entered an obstacle course.
Motorbikes.
Cars.
Random puddles.
Children running at dangerous speeds.
One tricycle driver staring into the void.
I was already irritated, sweaty, itchy, and emotionally medium rare.
Then I saw it again.
That tote bag.
“Here I am, send me.” Isaiah 6:8
I’ve seen that phrase before and every time I do, I always think:
“Wow… those people must have really open hearts.”
Because honestly God?
Helping people is hard.
Especially when you’re just an ordinary person trying to survive your own life.
That’s why I always admire volunteers.
Especially those who go to disaster areas or humanitarian missions.
Sometimes I even think:
“Maybe I should volunteer too.”
Then immediately after:
“Absolutely not, I will cry.”
Especially locally.
Because somehow helping strangers in another country feels noble and cinematic.
But helping nearby?
That feels real.
And difficult.
Then suddenly I remembered how quickly I blamed God recently after seeing my first contract.
That whole situation revealed something ugly in me.
I realized my trust in God was not as strong as I thought.
I panicked immediately.
I blamed Him immediately.
Even though eventually things became okay after the revised contract.
I was actually supposed to buy cetirizine from TGP, but I decided to stop by Dali first because nothing says “efficient adult” like grocery shopping while your entire body is itching.
Anyway.
I entered Dali looking like an itchy pilgrim.
While fixing my groceries near the counter, I noticed a little boy outside asking people for coins.
Nothing unusual.
You see that often.
At first I thought:
“I’ll give him spare change.”
Then suddenly I thought:
“No… maybe I should buy food instead.”
Then another thought entered my head.
“He’s a kid. He’ll probably like those juice boxes.”
Then immediately:
“Lord sana hindi siya magka-diarrhea.”
So there.
Biscuits.
Juice box.
Small Tommy.
While fixing my grocery bag, I called him over and showed him the juice box.
And bff…
I don’t know why but my chest suddenly hurt a little.
Because he looked genuinely shocked.
Not dramatic movie shocked.
Just…
surprised.
Like:
“Wait… this is for me?”
And suddenly I realized something.
Maybe:
“Here I am Lord, send me”
doesn’t always mean:
flying across countries,
joining humanitarian missions,
or becoming some heroic suffering warrior.
Maybe sometimes it simply means:
leaving the house even when you’re irritated,
buying cetirizine,
and noticing the person right in front of you.
Honestly…
I think God sent me to Dali while itchy.
The end.
Still Rising. Still Barking 🐾
Ember - Fire and Soul 