🐾 BARKIMONY: The Emotional Summit of Unlikely Animals

Narrated by: Susan

It was no ordinary Saturday morning. That sounds dramatic, but I mean it.

Usually, Oishi wakes me up by nibbling the edge of my pajama pants, then stares into my soul until I give him breakfast and take him for a walk. It’s our sacred ritual. But today? Nothing. Nada. Radio silence.

I sat up groggily and thought, Huh, that’s weird. Then I heard voices from the kitchen. Plural.

So naturally, I dragged my half-conscious self into the kitchen—and immediately questioned my entire grip on reality.

There was a blue horse holding a carton of oat milk, awkwardly smiling like he was trying to impress a Tinder date. His teeth were dazzling.

Next to him, a green elephant was holding my cereal like it was his birthright.

An orange chihuahua sat in the corner wearing noise-canceling headphones, probably listening to a TED Talk.

There was a cat with its face fully smushed against the window—just vibing.

And a K9 dog in a tactical vest was stationed at the door like he was guarding a presidential parade. I mean… who’s trying to shoot us?

Then there was Meutang—a purple aquatic creature we once rescued from the Great Fishnap. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a tiny inflatable pool ring. Why? Who knows.

And finally… my Oishi.

Sitting at the head of the table. On a cushion. Eating roast chicken. Drinking something that suspiciously looked like wine.

He saw my face—the face of a woman emotionally spiraling before her caffeine—and calmly slid a stack of laminated ID cards toward me. Like this was normal.

I blinked at him. He blinked back. He knew I had questions.

---

Narrated by: Oishi (Your Local Philosofurr)

Every Friday night and Saturday morning, Susan and I do our sacred park walk. It’s our bonding moment. We talk (well, she talks), eat snacks, and reflect on life like unpaid therapists.

But during these walks… I met others.

There was the blue horse. The green elephant. Budd the K9. We sniffed once, and now we’re brothers.

Don’t even get me started on Budd’s music taste—Dancing Queen. He claims it calms his nerves. I get it. The beat slaps.

Anyway—today’s different. I didn’t wake Susan up. Why?

Because at exactly 3:27 AM, I got a call from Sashmi, our communications pug. She said Budd witnessed a group of humans trying to dynamite Meutang’s hometown: The Fishball Sea.

Unacceptable.

So I barked the alert. The Barkimony Delegates assembled.

There was stomping, growling, some dramatic slow-motion leaps. Budd might’ve bitten someone.

Eventually, the bad guys ran off.

We were tired. Starving. Emotionally wrecked.

So I brought everyone back to our place. Mi casa es su casa, I told them. Which is Spanish for: “Susan’s going to freak out, but it’s fine.”

And yeah… she froze in the doorway.

So I did what any noble leader would do: I handed her our official ID cards.

Now meet the team.

🐾 Budd — Security Chief

A K9 with nerves of steel and paws of thunder. His hobbies include tail surveillance and ABBA.

🩵 Bulgogi — Head of Logistics

Tiny horse. Big plans. Possibly dramatic. Once cried because of gravel.

💚 Bibimbap — Admin Officer

Baby green elephant. Runs everything. Also panics when the printer jams.

🧡 Sashmi — Comms Manager

Orange chihuahua. Talks faster than she thinks. Barks in Morse code.

🐟 Meautang — Marine Relations/Sea Affairs

Purple fish in a Hawaiian shirt. Vacation-ready, always suspicious.

Favorite phrase: “It’s a trap.”

Never proven right, but never wrong either.

🐱 Fippo — Freelance Delegate (a.k.a. The Cat Who Won’t Leave)

Wasn’t invited. Still came. Claims he’s here for “diplomacy.” Eats all the fish crackers.

—

---

Next summit topic: Climate Change.

Susan’s probably going to ask if that’s a new salad dressing. But I love her anyway.

Signed,

Still Barking. Still Rising. Still Living with Susan.

— Oishi, OG Founder of This Madness